Thursday, January 08, 2009

Snips and snails, and puppy dog tails,

What are the Maltese made of? "Sugar and spice, and everything nice", or "Snips and snails, and puppy dog tails"? Well I came across this on Facebook. Fiona Scerri's from Headley, London writes:

You know you are Maltese if:
·You move abroad with 2 kgs of frozen pastizzi and a Timpana recipe in your luggage
·You move out from your parents move in with your spouse
·You have been officially engaged longer than you have been dating............while waiting for your house to be built
·Your best friend lives 2 miles away, but you only ever drive there
·Its a point of honour for workmen to ignore health & safety rules....they're for pansies right?
·Your idea of pimping your escorts, capris and trucks is to stick banners across the windscreen with legends such as "rambo sex" or "baby think twice" in funky fonts.
·You think the north is entirely culturally different from the south….with the total geographical area being 18miles long.
·You go to church every Sunday even though you're atheist
·You carefully cultivate a biker/metaller/junkie image.... but you don't have a bike license, and have never even smelled dope
·You are an independent adult, but your mum still buys your underpants and does your washing.
·Shrines to the Madonna and posters of Pamela Anderson share pride of place on public transport
·Catholicism is defined by your willingness to sabotage other parish feasts in order to ensure your own has the biggest fireworks
·Boys compare moustache growth in primary school
·If you're not pregnant by the end of your honeymoon, your grandmother starts saying special prayers
·You strike bargains with the Almighty in order to achieve your ends.
·You call your children Helmut, Siegfried and Brunhilda, even though you have no German connections and have never heard of Wagner.
·Your idea of eating out is going to the Diner in the Airport Viewing Gallery
·You go to Catechism classes to pick up girls
·You beat up a supporter of a rival football club…..even though your club won….the teams weren’t playing each other….and the clubs are foreign!
·You go to other people’s weddings in order to critique the wedding souvenirs
·You send your children to private lessons even though they are the top of their class
·At a roundabout, the biggest vehicle wins
·Any possession larger than a bicycle must be blessed by a priest.
·The worst thing you can call a man is a sperm.
·You work for the civil service and your summer working hours are 7:30am to 1:30pm….because the govt. doesn’t want to fork out for airconditioners.
·Your living room suite of furniture is 20 years old, but its still covered in plastic.
·You freak because someone in your street is painting their front door the same colour as yours.
·You lie to your parents about staying with a friend in order to party all night and get busted cos your third cousin twice removed saw you and ratted to his sister who told her mother who told your Aunty who told your Mum………before you even got home next morning!

Thanks Fiona for the insight. Some of the observations will not mean anything to non-Maltese speakers but others will, especially if you have any interest in anthropology.